Pagan Talk - Flower Face
Nov. 12th, 2023 09:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
azuritewingsThis was something I wrote 8 years ago in regards to my initial encounter with the Welsh deity Blodeuwedd.
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The first time I even encountered her was a time when I was feeling pretty low about myself. I didn’t know what I was doing with my life and had doubts about who I am as a person. I was at my parents’ house, home for a few days from college because of a doctor’s appointment or something. My room had been turned into a storage space, my mattress on the floor next to cases of aging liquor and miscellaneous boxes of things that didn’t belong to me.
I had been in the midst of a week-long dedication practice (unbeknownst to my family) and was feeling unsure of my decisions. I was following a basic guideline from Cunningham’s Solitary Practitioner, which I ended up adapting to a more broad pagan set up rather than Wiccan, and while overall I felt great about it, I still felt an emptiness
Late that night, I couldn’t sleep. I was all alone which was an abrupt change to sleeping next to my boyfriend and my room kept casting creepy shadows. Instead, I did some late night research. In my dedication, it discussed connecting with a diety and the information I had found was that you should look at the different prominent signs in your life, try to figure out who has been calling to you. Instinctively, I thought of owls. Owls had always been my favorite animal, I’d see things with owls everywhere (there’s a story about an old Hooter’s sign if anyone is interested). And while I’d have my “favorite” animal of the week, it’d come back to this, at the time, weird obsession with owls. Initially, I thought of Athena since my knowledge of gods and goddesses didn’t go much farther than the Greek and Roman pantheons but she didn’t feel right. I admire many of her qualities but I just knew it wasn’t her.
I kept delving into more and more research, I don’t even remember what time I ended up going to sleep. Suddenly, I came across a name and description and I cried. Blodeuwedd. I dug more into her history and associations, reading her section of the Mabinogion and just felt full. Here she was, staring me in the face all this time.
After falling asleep, I had a very vivid dream about her. I remember a woman made of flowers beckoning to me and a warm glow and just everything feeling right; it was such a strong connection. I woke up the next morning feeling better and more confident than I had in such a long time. I’ve been with her ever since and developing an even stronger relationship.
She feels like coming home. I send my energy out to her and she accepts it with such caring, love, and comfort; it’s like my everything is being embraced. She guides me, encouraging me to find my own path and while hardships may come, I can still be me in the end. She makes me proud of the person I’m becoming and I can’t imagine my life without her.
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I truly believe that Blodeuwedd still guides me to this day in that I should continue to follow my heart. She still gives me comfort and even as I'm writing this, I can feel her presence. As I said in the write-up above, I can't imagine my life without her, even after all this time.
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8 years ago...
The first time I even encountered her was a time when I was feeling pretty low about myself. I didn’t know what I was doing with my life and had doubts about who I am as a person. I was at my parents’ house, home for a few days from college because of a doctor’s appointment or something. My room had been turned into a storage space, my mattress on the floor next to cases of aging liquor and miscellaneous boxes of things that didn’t belong to me.
I had been in the midst of a week-long dedication practice (unbeknownst to my family) and was feeling unsure of my decisions. I was following a basic guideline from Cunningham’s Solitary Practitioner, which I ended up adapting to a more broad pagan set up rather than Wiccan, and while overall I felt great about it, I still felt an emptiness
Late that night, I couldn’t sleep. I was all alone which was an abrupt change to sleeping next to my boyfriend and my room kept casting creepy shadows. Instead, I did some late night research. In my dedication, it discussed connecting with a diety and the information I had found was that you should look at the different prominent signs in your life, try to figure out who has been calling to you. Instinctively, I thought of owls. Owls had always been my favorite animal, I’d see things with owls everywhere (there’s a story about an old Hooter’s sign if anyone is interested). And while I’d have my “favorite” animal of the week, it’d come back to this, at the time, weird obsession with owls. Initially, I thought of Athena since my knowledge of gods and goddesses didn’t go much farther than the Greek and Roman pantheons but she didn’t feel right. I admire many of her qualities but I just knew it wasn’t her.
I kept delving into more and more research, I don’t even remember what time I ended up going to sleep. Suddenly, I came across a name and description and I cried. Blodeuwedd. I dug more into her history and associations, reading her section of the Mabinogion and just felt full. Here she was, staring me in the face all this time.
After falling asleep, I had a very vivid dream about her. I remember a woman made of flowers beckoning to me and a warm glow and just everything feeling right; it was such a strong connection. I woke up the next morning feeling better and more confident than I had in such a long time. I’ve been with her ever since and developing an even stronger relationship.
She feels like coming home. I send my energy out to her and she accepts it with such caring, love, and comfort; it’s like my everything is being embraced. She guides me, encouraging me to find my own path and while hardships may come, I can still be me in the end. She makes me proud of the person I’m becoming and I can’t imagine my life without her.
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Current Day, November 2023
I truly believe that Blodeuwedd still guides me to this day in that I should continue to follow my heart. She still gives me comfort and even as I'm writing this, I can feel her presence. As I said in the write-up above, I can't imagine my life without her, even after all this time.
